Every next day, we read in the tabloids, “so and so got divorced”, “so and so split up”. I guess we have stopped taking the words divorce or break-up too seriously may be because of its extra glamorization brought upon by Hollywood and Bollywood.

Nonetheless, we cannot underestimate the emotional and mental ordeal that comes with divorce. Divorce is not just a split between two people but two hearts and two lives. Well, more than two, if there are children involved. Furthermore, it is also a separation of the two families of the people involved. A divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster for both the man and woman involved despite of how right it is for them. A divorce is right thing to do only if you feel you have done everything to save the marriage but nothing worked. It’s right if you are sure that you don’t want to live your life with the other person anymore.

 Talking about our own society, divorce happens rarely and if it does, it is destined to create a sensation. People will want to know all the details of the divorce, nosy relatives will try to butt in and all kinds of speculations will be on the air. Our society is the kind where marriages have been lasting a lifetime either it be an early childhood arranged marriage, or an elopement or love marriage. We are all typical Nepalese people who can never ever even imagine our parents or grandparents separating though we do not expect the same from ourselves.

 It’s been noticed that in our society, a divorced woman is looked down on as having some kind of blemish in her behavior or character. Who cares if the husband abused the wife or cheated on her or he was an alcoholic chaos. Its Nepal and people will blame the women “She couldn’t keep her man”. People will scrutinize her life and question her integrity if she is seen with anyone while no one minds if her ex-husband starts dating or looking for another bride right away. It is rare to see divorced women getting married again. And if they do, yeah, there’ll be a lot of tongues wagging. However, it is not impossible for our society to change the angle of its perspective but it is no hurry right now.

Meanwhile, we have to understand that times have changed and you can’t expect your marriage to be a fairy tale. Of course, we can try to make it one. But nothing is inevitable, so we have to open our minds and prepare for any kind of shocks and surprises in our lives. The best we can do is give our best.

(The following information has been compiled from www.divorceinfo.com)

Understanding divorce

The whole process of divorce is actually very long and may spread over few months to many years. Divorce is actually not one event but three distinct processes.

·        The legal divorce

·        The Emotional divorce

·        The social divorce

The legal divorce: The legal divorce is the part where the legal court comes into play. Here you and your other half argue, fight and bargain to work out your parenting plan, how you are going to divide your property etc. It is the easier part of divorce.

The social divorce: The social divorce is the adjustment your children and family must make to the fact that you and your spouse are no longer a couple. Typically, the social divorce may drag on for years as you may have children or family members who still hope that your divorce isn't really happening.

The emotional divorce: This is the toughest of the three divorces. In this part, you both begin to view yourself as a person separate from your spouse.

Most divorces has a "leaver" - person who wants to split up - and a "left" -the person who wants the marriage to stay unbroken. The Leaver's Emotional Divorce has been under way for months, often years and has already lamented over the marriage. The Left's Emotional Divorce, however, does not begin easily because the left may be still hoping for reconciliation. During the emotional, spouses often tend behave in peculiar ways.