Though I was pretty tomboy when I was young, I thought it’s not abnormal to think as a guy as it could be a part of my growing up. Another reason was all my life I was interested in guys only. But, now I realize how wrong I was. In previous years of my life I was completely alien with the word “homosexual”. By then, I never thought of girls going out with girls. It’s always hanging out with boys, flirting with them and having boyfriends. Though I found some of my girl friends beautiful and fantasy of being with them used to come around sometimes, I had maintained a very normal relationship with each of them.

Everything was same and normal until the next phase of my life started. After the completion of my +2, my father decided to send me abroad for my further studies. So I had to leave home for Kathmandu to take some preparation classes. On the first day of TOEFL class I met a girl who was as easy-going as me. May be this is the reason our friendship clicked. By this time, I have heard a lot about homosexuals, lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender. Gradually, we begun to know each other more and used to meet more. We were BEST OF THE BEST FRIENDS!!! Everything was so special about her. The way she talked, moved, smiled and everything else. I started falling for her each day because of her spell bounding personality and the love and care she had for me.

Then I realized I was not normal as I seem and I have passionately fallen in love with a girl! But I was very scared to tell her my feelings and I was unaware about her sexuality. One day during our conversation over phone she sounded different and told me that she wants to meet me as soon as possible. When we met she told me that she had feelings for me and loves me a lot. Joys were boundless at that instant of time, as I knew we both have same feeling for each other. That night I could not sleep at all. I got up at 2 AM and waited for the morning to show up soon so that I can meet you again.

Time passed on and my days for going abroad came. Despite of the thousand miles distance we maintained our relationship through phone calls and Internet for one and half years. Then one day she called me and told me that her parents were forcing her to marry a guy and she couldn’t deny them. She told me that she couldn’t tell her real identity to her parents and society, as lesbianism is still a taboo in our society. I was speechless and couldn’t tell her anything. She told me to forget everything we shared and told me by now there’s nothing between us. Everything we had was deceitful and fake. I wonder, was she a fake??
Now she’s married (I guess happily) along with two kids out there. My life moved on too. I have completed my bachelor level studies and returning back to Nepal for a vacation. As I am also from an orthodox family, I definitely will have problems when they found about the real side of me. But I hope to survive, and not give up as my partner did.

Life has to go on. Determine to make the best of it. There are still important things waiting to be done, even when you are feeling browned off.