A girl getting married to a man residing in foreign country, earning in dollars or pounds has become a very major concern of our Nepalese society. It’s a kind of fashion growing up in our culture. Parents are so much fascinated when they receive such marriage proposal for their daughter. They are on the seventh heaven thinking of their biggest dream coming true. Every parent has a dream of marrying their daughter to a very gentle, educated, and rich guy from a reputed family. They make quick decisions at the very moment without thinking the consequences of the marriage. They neither bother to ask their daughter nor even try to make enquiries regarding the guy. They consider their daughters lucky for her changed fate after such proposals. But the convergence of such dream into reality sometimes can shatter their daughter’s dreams.

In many cases, we can observe that, parents do not even find it necessary to tell their daughter, not even ask them if they really want to tie a knot with such guy or not.  The first and foremost reason behind this is the common psychology of people i.e. the guy living in foreign country or holding a green card is a perfect match to their daughter because he is financially strong enough to make their daughter happy through out her life. Secondly, marrying to a green card holder will make very easy for any girl to go abroad.  Parents even start fantasizing of their daughter enjoying her beautiful life in the foreign country. People need to understand that there is a vast difference between the reality and fantasy. There are cases where the results are positive. But in some cases, marrying someone living abroad has yielded negative results. We might be unaware of this fact or trying to avoid it.

Most of the guys come back to their home country, because they have a pressure from their family. Every parent wants their son to get married to a Nepali girl. And the guy being ensured that the girl will take good care of his family, gets ready for the marriage, even if they have already been engaged abroad. In general, parents are unaware of what their son is doing outside of Nepal, whether he is addicted, involved into any crimes, married or involved in some affairs etc. Since they are far away from their parents, there's no point that their parents can suspect anything. They just obey their parents by getting married to a Nepali girl and leave their wives at their parent's place for their care. And then they return abroad so that they could easily enjoy their days with the women they were already involved with.

Here, we present the most cruel but yet very real incidents of Nepalese women. One of our regular visitors of astitwa.com, named Ishita from kathmandu, came to us and shared her story. She has been one of the victims of such incident. Ishita shares her dead past of her life and further suggests every parent to be aware of their daughter getting married to a guy from any foreign country.

*Ishita, the youngest and the most loved daughter among three, was a very career oriented girl, trying to continue her study abroad. At such time, she got a marriage proposal from a guy studying and working in United States of America. With such news, her parents were very much delighted and even she was excited of completing her studies in States. But, at the first night of marriage, her husband says that he is not a virgin and had sex with many girls. Though, at this time we take it normal but it was a great deal during her time. She was disturbed after listening to him because she was brought up in the conservative society which says sex before marriage is a crime.

After one month of their wedding, the husband returned to United States, promising that he will make various arrangements for her to study there. She left her studies behind and stayed in her new home taking care of her in laws. As time passed by, the guy made different excuses for not managing visa to United States and such fake promises continued till eight months. The guy got back to Nepal because of her frequent enquiries in the same matter. And the husband showed his true colour. He blamed her for having love affairs with guys, during her college time. Anyhow, she convinced him saying if I had any affair then I wouldn’t have got married to him. When the guy had nothing to reply, he exposed the real him offering her to smoke, booze, have drinks with him. Later, when he felt that she won't leave him then he tried another way, by giving her physical, mental and sexual torture. Despite of such difficulties, she neither spoke with her parents nor shared it with her friends. She remained quiet hoping to change him after she goes abroad with him.

Finally, her husband revealed the truth that, he is already married to an American girl. And he has two kids, one from first wife and another from second wife. He also said that he got to pay some kind of fees (in terms of money) for his divorced first wife. And, Ishita was the third woman of his life. Still, Ishita was strong enough to face every challenge further. She gave him a fair chance because it was his past. And told him that I am your present, a part of your life and we could easily start a new life. The husband's question made her stand in a dilemma:"Do you really love me or not? If yes, then you should prove by giving divorce to me." But she denied giving divorce because she wanted her relationship to survive. The husband got another trick for fooling her, saying it would be difficult to get visa for her if they apply together for visa. So, they need to apply separately and to apply separately, we need to get divorced. And then she could apply for student visa. He promised her to get married, once she lands to United States. She agreed to her husband and got divorced without any property claim. Then, he again flew to United States but neither made any arrangements for any college admission nor for visa. He again blamed her for having affairs which was untrue. Since, he was legally free from her; no laws could bind him to get back to her. And the poor girl still kept on waiting for his response for three months and finally ended up with no communication as well.

This story describes how much Ishita has suffered through out her marriage. In our society, a divorced girl is always being watched by the hungry eyes and not even treated well. Later, Ishita completed her education and now has a good that helped her to be established in the society.*

Another Nepali girl named, Reema, from the Terai region,  is a victim of similar case. She is from a very reputed and rich family. In her case, the guy had already married to a Muslim girl before getting married to her. Parents, though knowing their son's story, asked him to get married to Reema just to get the dowry and unpaid servant for the family care. After the wedding, the guy returned to abroad yet he often rang her at home. Later, the guy got back to Nepal and took her abroad. He ignored her, came home late, and even blamed her for having affairs with other guys. Reema came to know from her neighbor that her husband is already married. When asked, he could not deny it.

With such confusion and betrayal from her husband, she talked to her parents and in laws. Then, they both got back to Nepal. At home, the guy promised in front of all his family members that he will not go back to Bangladesh, if her parents bear all the expenses to get him established in India. As per his demand, Reema's parents gave him the cash and provided him a job in Delhi, in a hope to see their daughter's married life happy. But in return, he turned out be untrue and unfaithful. He had no real love for her, only a desire for financial gain. He called his first wife from Bangladesh and within that gap; he took Reema back to Nepal. Then, the cheater returned to India and stayed with his first wife and vanished out there. Finally, her marriage was also a failure like of Ishita’s.

In both cases, the condition of both marriages has already hit the path of no return in the future. People should learn from such incidents. Parents need to think twice before getting their daughter married to a guy studying and working in abroad. Girls should think today because today determines the fate of your destiny.